Closing the confidence gap

August 16, 2024

Building confidence throughout life

Last week parents were invited to spend the morning in the classroom with our children for education week. First thing the children sat cross-legged and the teacher perched up front asked what the children did over the weekend. Hands shot up and each child waited patiently to be chosen.

There was one child that had their turn early, then time and time again put their hand up energetically to be picked. Naturally the teacher selected different children to share their adventures, but in the lags that it took for all children to gingerly raise their hand, this child was selected several times more.

At first, I thought it was a little self-centred taking repeated turns to speak. But I’ve since realised this child’s actions were impressive and they were being rewarded for their confidence, further reinforcing it. They weren’t worried about what others might think, fear of saying something wrong, or getting in trouble - things I struggle with to this day. Rather this boy will go far, like many of his contemporaries.

Girls tend to outperform boys in school and outnumber men attaining university degrees in Australia, much of the E.U., and the U.S. However, life doesn’t work the same as education. The qualities that enable academic accomplishment are not the same as those that propel success in the workforce. Ample confidence being a prime example of the latter.

Tina

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Closing the confidence gap

Confidence transforms our judgments about what we are capable of into action. Lack of confidence has been identified as a common barrier for women. However, it can be strengthened at any stage of life.

Dr Brenda Major, Distinguished Professor in the Department of Psychological and Brain Sciences at the University of California found in experiments that men consistently overestimated their abilities and performance, whilst women routinely underestimated both. Even though actual performances did not differ. “It is one of the most consistent findings you can have” she explained in 2014 (Kay and Shipman). Since then, the body of research supporting these findings has grown.

Men tend to display overconfidence whilst women generally underestimate themselves.

The situation gets trickier still. When women are able and confident, it’s not always enough. Organizational research has found that likeability and bonding qualities - what the authors call ‘social attraction’ - affect perceptions of women’s efficacy. If women aren’t liked then they are characterised as incompetent and lacking confidence. These correlations don’t apply to men, who can be disliked and still judged as competent and confident (Guillén, Mayo & Karelaia 2016).

This is one explanation why confident women might avoid self-promotion or behaving outside gender norms. Doing so isn’t necessarily rewarded and may lead to less acceptance from peers.

What can be done?

Though people differ in levels of confidence, it is something that can developed. Confidence accumulates - through hard work, through accomplishments, and through failure. The key is action.

Whilst it is unfair that sociability affects women more than men in terms of judgements of competence and competence, many of the tactics below simultaneously support social and communication skills.

If this topic is of interest as a parent or caretaker, an important aspect of any action is that it should be equally supported and modelled by all carers regardless of gender.

Life stage	Some tactics to strengthen confidence
Childhood onwards	Play, hobbies and learning that involves risk taking and failure, participation in team sports, encouraging assertiveness, avoiding perfectionism
Early to mid-career & reinvention phases	Broadening experiences outside of comfort zones, speaking up or proactively completing work even when unsure, increased interactions and presentation of work with clients, stakeholders or the public, stretch projects, mentors
Management and leadership	360-degree feedback, engaging a leadership coach

Verbal persuasion is an additional tool that can contribute to confidence. By convincing others we are capable of succeeding at a given task we are more likely to believe this ourselves, boosting confidence. Verbal persuasion is used by leaders to incite the Pygmalion effect, where higher expectations lead to improved performance (Bandura 1994).

Intra and interpersonal skills