"The obstacle is the way" has been one of my favourite stoic affirmations over the past couple years. It's based on a quote by Roman emperor Marcus Aurelius that can be found in his Meditations writings: “The impediment to action advances action. What stands in the way becomes the way.” Ryan Holiday has popularised the concept with his framework set out in his 2014 book ‘The obstacle is the way.’

There always seems to be obstacles to realising my goals. Some have certainly been out of my hands, but many more than I like to admit have been self-constructed.

Tina

 

Self-handicapping

Self-handicapping involves unconsciously creating circumstances that hinder our performance to protect our self-esteem but ultimately sabotaging our success and how others perceive us.

Self-handicapping was first identified by social psychologists Edward Jones and Steven Berglas in the 1970s (Jones & Berglas 1978). Common patterns include chronic procrastination, inadequate preparation, alcohol consumption before a critical task, reduced effort, creating chaotic environments, taking on too many commitments, or being constantly too ‘busy’ to work on meaningful tasks. Though we might not recognise these as self-protective strategies, they serve an important psychological function: they provide a ready-made explanation for potential failure that doesn't threaten our core sense of ability or worth.

Our minds are extremely clever at protecting our self-image. When we sense a situation might reveal our limitations, our psychological defence mechanisms activate. Rather than facing the anxiety of potentially failing or not meeting expectations we had for ourselves, we create conditions where we can maintain the belief that "I could have achieved that under different circumstances."

The unconscious nature of self-handicapping makes it particularly challenging to address. We often don't recognise these patterns, instead seeing them as unfortunate circumstances beyond our control. We might genuinely believe we're doing our best while unconsciously making decisions that justify disappointing outcomes.

These behaviours impact how others perceive us. People who regularly self-handicap are viewed as less competent, responsible or motivated by peers—even when they're knowledgeable in their field. Colleagues and friends may sense the pattern of excuses, affecting their willingness to collaborate or depend on someone who appears unreliable. However, even though handicappers might be seen as less generally competent they are more likely to be perceived as more sociable than non-handicappers (Levesque et al 2001).

Self-handicapping tends to emerge most strongly in educational and professional environments where evaluation is prominent. The higher the stakes and the more publicly visible the potential failure, the more likely these unconscious defences will activate. High-achievers and those with fragile self-esteem often struggle most with these patterns, despite their conscious desire for success.

 

Individual characteristics that can trigger self-handicapping behaviours	Situational triggers
Conscientiousness Neuroticism Low self-esteem Perfectionism	Being humiliated in front of others High expectations from others Low tolerance for failure Efforts being undermined

Adapted from: Zeytun, D., Altan-Atalay, A. 2023. An integrative model of the association between leadership styles and employee’s self-handicapping behavior. Psychology of Leaders and Leadership, 26(2), 93–114.

 

Ways to overcome self-handicapping

1. Develop self-awareness
Keep a reflection journal noting patterns before important tasks or evaluations. Look for recurring "explanations" or circumstances that precede disappointments.

2. Fine-tune goal setting and expectations
Without excuses, focus on what is realistically with your skill set, record of achievements and resources at hand (time, money, responsibilities).

3. Practice mindfulness
Cultivate the ability to observe your thoughts and behaviours without judgment. Mindfulness helps bridge the gap between unconscious patterns and conscious awareness.

4. Focus on the process
Shift attention from outcomes to the process of preparation and performance. Emphasising mastery and improvement rather than evaluation reduces the threat that triggers self-handicapping.

5. Create structure and accountability
Establish clear routines and external accountability systems that make it harder for unconscious self-handicapping to take hold. Share your plans and timelines with others.

6. Challenge unhelpful beliefs
Examine underlying beliefs about what failure means about you. Work to separate performance from self-worth, recognising that capabilities grow through challenge. Check out the Edaith brief on self-complexity to help with this

7. Build a supportive environment
Surround yourself with people who provide honest feedback with kindness and who model healthy approaches to challenge and potential failure.

Bringing these unconscious patterns into awareness doesn't happen overnight, but with persistence and self-compassion, we can gradually recognise and reshape them. As we do, we free ourselves to engage fully with challenges, embracing both the vulnerability and growth that come with genuine effort.

 

 

References

Jones, E.E., Berglas, S. 1978. "Control of attributions about the self through self-handicapping strategies: The appeal of alcohol and the role of underachievement." Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin 4(2) pp. 200-206

Levesque, M. J., Lowe, C. A., Mendenhall, C. 2001. "Self-handicapping as a method of self-presentation: An analysis of costs and benefits." Current Research in Social Psychology. 6(15)